"40 oz to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good, even though I feel bad." Sublime, 40 oz To Freedom
I've crossed a couple of important finish lines in the last several weeks.
This last month, I walked across the stage at Royce Hall and collected a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. 5 years in the making, it has been truly earned. (That's me with my lovely wife and Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick, founding faculty of the University.) Five weeks later, I received my formal registration with the Board of Behavioral Sciences in California as a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern. Next week, I will begin seeing clients in private practice. All of a sudden, my life is transformed and my long-awaited career in counseling has formally begun.
Of course, that's a bit like saying, "all of a sudden I crossed the finish line in a marathon." Sometimes it feels like that for sure. But the truth is there was a lot of training, commitment, and time to get to that finish line. There's an inverse relationship between preparation and how easy something looks. As the quote goes, the will to succeed is the will to prepare.
Over the last 15 years, underneath everything I have accomplished, inside and out, has been supported by two incredible blessings: the love of my wife and family, and the foundation of my running practice. Whatever task I have on my plate, the patience, perseverance, and pacing required to get it done has been born it, amplified by, and maintained by my running.
As I deepen in my work as a psychotherapist, I cast my mind back to the days when 40 oz of alcohol really did seem my only chance of freedom, of feeling good. To be drunk, high, often both, was to feel powerful, free, even at peace. Of course, as any addict knows, when the chemicals wore off, the mirage of those fantasy experiences quickly vanished.
This Sunday, I will run the Long Beach Marathon. When I get to the start line at around 7 a.m., I will already have run 14 miles. When I reach the finish line of the marathon, I will have completed 40 miles. It will have been my longest run yet, and a significant step in my training for my first 50-mile event.
When I get there, sure, I will be tired. I will also certainly feel powerful, free, and at peace. When the glow of the run fades, when the feelings pass, those qualities will still be alive in me. That's the essential difference between my 40 oz and 40 mile experiences.
With the drugs and alcohol, I sought to create the sensation of what I imagined those qualities to be like. With the running, through the running and all it requires to maintain an ongoing running practice, I connect with the place inside of me where those qualities reside. I experience them authentically.
As runners, in the qualities required to commit to, train for, and complete any event, we're connected. I firmly believe that every runner benefits from every other runners' dedication and practice. We are runners. We are a family. We are a tribe. We are one and we are greater than the sum of our individual achievements. We ARE running. Without us, there would be no running. By that, I mean that without runners to give life to running, there would be no running. We are the vessel through which the transformative energy of running becomes apparent.
Thank you for all that YOU do to keep that energy alive.
